1775 - Patrick Henry declared “Give me liberty, or give me death.” This bold statement led to today’s Democratic slogan: “Give me liberty or not!”
1806 - Having discovered the most likely places to put trailer-parks, Lewis and Clark began their return journey east.
1919 - Benito Mussolini founded his own party in Italy, the Fasci di Combattimento, which is Italian for “Stewie’s Sexy Party“.
1983 - U.S. President Ronald Reagan proposed a space-based missile defense system called the Strategic Defense Initiative or “Star Wars.” Contract negotiations with Darth Vader broke down causing the program to be scrapped.
1998 - The motion picture epic “Titanic” won 11 Oscars at the 70th Academy Awards, tying it with “Ben-Hur” for the most ever. Sure evidence the Oscars are bullshit.
2001 - Russia’s Mir space station ended its 15-year orbit of the Earth, splashing down in the South Pacific. It ran out of gas.